Random Notes to Self...

What was most awaited came very unexpectedly after years and years of anxious waiting. The agony was finally put to halt when schedules were set. I am very rarely an optimist but rumors had it all. I was over-confident, this is it.  In my mind, I painted a vivid picture of better days ahead. And although I worried some, I have a definite plan of action carefully crafted to pronounce triumph.

Like how the previous caught me by surprise, the outcome of it all was far more overwhelming. A very probable impediment interrupted the whole process. It took a while to sink in but when it did, it tore my sketch of reverie apart. Dreams and plans- shattered into pieces. I tried to concoct my own formula for answers. The more I tried, the more desperate I had become.

So, where was He in all these?  I knew He was right in the midst of it all. Perhaps, watching my every move but I chose to ignore and hold Him liable for this sudden turn of events.  

Give thanks in all circumstances  (1Thessalonians 5:18). If only it turned to what I thought was the right way (aka my way), it would have been easier to be grateful. Or if, at least, the reasons for such were spelled out clearly, I would have understood. So give thanks for what now? An amazing husband, wonderful families, great friends, good health and   a beneficial job are blessings that can outdo all the disappointment. I am blessed beyond measure despite this instance of a downer.

Trust in the Lord (Proverbs 3:5). I have trusted Him in all these. In fact, this is the very same reason I vied for a positive outcome even when hubby remained skeptic about it.  In the end, I can’t help but feel deceived by the trust I openly imparted. But if I really trust or trusted Him, why would I be so upset now?  Trust means faith. Faith is not only confidence in the things hope for but also the conviction of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)

His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts than my thoughts  (Isaiah 55:9).  What took Him so long? Then what changed His mind so abruptly? I really, honestly, don’t know. I’m just pretty sure that what my tiny brain can barely comprehend is nothing compared to the detailed blueprint He’s already laid out for my life. He sees a much bigger picture no matter how brilliant my imagination can get.

All things work together for good (Romans 8:28).  It’s all gloomy today but I know and believe in my heart, everything will make perfect sense in His own beautiful time.