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It’s been a month and two weeks since our most recent trip to the Philippines. I wish I could tell you how excited we were. Unfortunately, it was an unplanned trip. Too unexpected.

I was in the office that Friday afternoon when I received the bad news. Papang was brought to the hospital. I breathe deeply and got back to work hoping that another email will come soon assuring me that he’s ok. As much as I wanted to convince myself that everything will be alright, I was rather fearful of what could possibly happen.

When I finally got to the apartment, I called Mamang but the update on Papang’s condition wasn’t getting any better. At that moment, I was determined to go home and be with my family come what may. I was perplexed, too confused with what’s happening and totally shocked. I knew I needed to pray but I did not know the right words to say. Tears just flooded my eyes non stop.

My sister together with my siblings-in-law met us at the airport. I squeezed her tight- uncertain who needs that hug the most. When we finally got to talking about Papang’s condition, she held my hand and told me that he passed the night before. I was helpless, I did not make it in time. It broke my heart like never before…

The pain has never gone since then. And I remain doubtful this will ever go. 

I miss Papang. I know I will forever do.

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