Being alone is not something I dread. I am a loner and I love just me and myself moments. It helps me befriend and get to know myself better. It makes me ponder upon things that matter most to me and those that really don’t, enlightening my mind towards better choices. It has become my outlet of emotions that allowed me to unload everything thereby making me feel better during the lowest lows of my life. Alas, I am fearful and darkness is one of my phobias. And although aloneness doesn’t seem to be a problem for me, being alone in the dark is a whole different story.
Being alone in the dark lets my mind wander the farthest it can go only to discover the worst imagination possible. Unreasonable paranoia had caused me sleepless nights. Shamefully, I am no good Christian. Although I continued praying, reading my daily devotions and never miss church, I was overly mired with my fears failing to realize what role my faith and my relationship with Jesus should have played in such circumstance.
One morning I found out that I slept with my apartment door unlocked. Too careless of me, I murmured to myself. I hurried off to work brushing off the thought of how the Lord has protected me that night. My day went on as usual. Weeks passed and I kept elbowing my fear on my own, until the Lord finally poked me in an ordinary conversation with someone from church. “You need not be afraid of anything. You’ve got the Holy Ghost!”
Fear not. That’s what He has been attempting to tell me amidst my fears. Foolishly I neglected to listen; I ignored Him so many times. An article stated that “Fear not” is mentioned 366 times in the bible. That serves as a reminder everyday of the year and that’s more than enough to assure somebody as fearful as I am that the Lord desires for me to overcome my fear and trust in Him. Isaiah 41:10 says “Fear not for I am with you….”
I am still afraid of some things in my life. I have not mastered the skills in dealing with it but I resort to better options. Instead of endlessly whining and worrying about it, I choose to consult to Him about it. I cannot always say the right words but He knows my heart. It does not only contain those silly phobias of snakes and heights. He knows every little bitty thing in it and He knows how to take care of each of them. Sometimes I can talk to Him about it, sometimes I can only cry but regardless, being broken in His presence gives me perfect peace.
