Goodbye 2009, hello hello 2010!

The year 2009 has gone by so fast. What started with so much fear in my heart turned out to be a year full of surprises. The Lord has blessed me countless times for which I am very grateful. I am unworthy for the most part but He remained faithful to His promises. Up to now, I remain astounded of how He’s made the impossible so easily possible. What others may see as my achievements, I give Him the glory.

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think,

according to the power that worketh in us, Ephesians 3:20 (King James Version)

As I look back, there are 3 big things that I consider His greatest miracles/ gifts for me in 2009:

- Lay offs in the company was deafening. I have remained grateful for my job but skeptical and anxious for most times. While most veteran employees in the lab lost their jobs, I was ready-ing my resume and myself for job applications to other companies. I’d rather prepare for the worst than expect too much and end up upset. I prayed about it but that did not lessen my worries. A month before my contract ended, my fone rang- a call from my agency. Before I hit the answer button, I prayed, almost crying like a scared child needing someone’s assurance that everything will be alright. The first statement from my manager was positive but I held back my emotions. I have to know the conclusion before I shout for joy. My manager congratulated me for a year extension. I happily exclaimed “Praise the Lord” to which he laughed. I know it meant nothing to him but I meant to praise my Lord for what He’s done and that is something that came from the bottom of my heart

- “This is the last time.” I murmured during my last final exam for my bachelor’s degree. “This is the last time.” I murmured again when I did my special project for my diploma in IT teaching. “This is the last time.” I murmured the same thing when I was preparing for my comprehension exam for a master’s degree. “This is the last time.” I murmured several times on every major exam in my most recent master’s degree. I am finally done with my last distance education course and yes, I am now qualified to apply for graduation. God willing, this is my 4th degree in Computer Science. This is not the thing I’ve always been dreaming of doing but for all the times that I felt like giving up, His wisdom has kept me sane, His strength has kept me going.

- After the university in charge made it clear that I needed to extend my student visa to keep my status legal by 2010, I crazily freaked out! The last thing I wanted to do is to go back to the university and enroll in another course. My only other option is to get a working visa. I have brought up the topic to my manager on the first quarter of 2009 but I was turned down due to many factors including the famous economic crisis. How am I supposed to open up the same topic to him at the beginning of the 4th quarter of the same year? I may as well sound like a broken record and get the same feedback. But I was running out of time and I have to act on it as soon as possible. I swallowed my shyness, pounded my keyboard to compose an email and hit send. My manager called me the next day or so but he can’t just decide. He has to bring up the matter to his superior. Days turned to weeks. After almost a month of follow up and pressing on, I was given a go signal. I thank the Lord for a positive response from my agency but I knew anything can happen with the rigorous processing of a work visa in this country. A 2010 working visa has to officially start October 2009, my papers were submitted on the 1st week of November. While some people doubted my chances, I too, was pessimistic. The only thing I was certain of was the Lord’s power, provision and purpose. I prayed that my visa be approved but was willing to surrender to His will. It normally takes 3-6 months, probably the longest time of waiting in my life. But beyond human comprehension, God works wonders. I received an email from the university in charge congratulating me of the visa approval followed by an attachment of the approval notice from my employer. Has it been that long? I asked my self in disbelief. It only took 1 month to procure my work visa. God is so good, I can't complain at all.

All in all, 2009 has been a great year and it would take me forever to enumerate what the Lord has done for me and my family to prove that. The world has always been unstable for me. But I am secure in the Lord. I do not know what 2010 holds for me and my family. But I am ready to face it with a bang by God’s grace. He’s held me through it all and I continue to cling on Him as this year unfolds. Happy 2010 to all, may we continue to be strong in the Lord and rejoice in His goodnessJ

Fear not!

Being alone is not something I dread. I am a loner and I love just me and myself moments. It helps me befriend and get to know myself better. It makes me ponder upon things that matter most to me and those that really don’t, enlightening my mind towards better choices. It has become my outlet of emotions that allowed me to unload everything thereby making me feel better during the lowest lows of my life. Alas, I am fearful and darkness is one of my phobias. And although aloneness doesn’t seem to be a problem for me, being alone in the dark is a whole different story.

Being alone in the dark lets my mind wander the farthest it can go only to discover the worst imagination possible. Unreasonable paranoia had caused me sleepless nights. Shamefully, I am no good Christian. Although I continued praying, reading my daily devotions and never miss church, I was overly mired with my fears failing to realize what role my faith and my relationship with Jesus should have played in such circumstance.

One morning I found out that I slept with my apartment door unlocked. Too careless of me, I murmured to myself. I hurried off to work brushing off the thought of how the Lord has protected me that night. My day went on as usual. Weeks passed and I kept elbowing my fear on my own, until the Lord finally poked me in an ordinary conversation with someone from church. “You need not be afraid of anything. You’ve got the Holy Ghost!”

Fear not. That’s what He has been attempting to tell me amidst my fears. Foolishly I neglected to listen; I ignored Him so many times. An article stated that “Fear not” is mentioned 366 times in the bible. That serves as a reminder everyday of the year and that’s more than enough to assure somebody as fearful as I am that the Lord desires for me to overcome my fear and trust in Him. Isaiah 41:10 says “Fear not for I am with you….”

I am still afraid of some things in my life. I have not mastered the skills in dealing with it but I resort to better options. Instead of endlessly whining and worrying about it, I choose to consult to Him about it. I cannot always say the right words but He knows my heart. It does not only contain those silly phobias of snakes and heights. He knows every little bitty thing in it and He knows how to take care of each of them. Sometimes I can talk to Him about it, sometimes I can only cry but regardless, being broken in His presence gives me perfect peace.

Enemy's tricks and a Lesson learned

Trick #1

I finally heard from the university regarding the final exam that I missed due to the proctor’s absence. They agreed to give me a make up exam and I thought that was the end of the story. I received an unexpected notice from Paypal yesterday reminding me to pay $150 for my make up exam. Freaking out, I composed an email to address my concern on paying for my proctor’s irresponsibility.

Trick #2

Despite the car’s battery change last Saturday, it again showed faulty behavior the other day. When I went down to check what was going on, four people from the apartment compound surrounded the car bumper. Hubby met Charlie and asked for help. Charlie then called another guy for help then two more volunteered to help, all of them trying to figure out what’s wrong and all concluded that the starter was the culprit. Yesterday hubby, accompanied by Charlie, brought the car back to the shop where he bought the battery and was told that battery that was replaced caused the starter problem, which only meant the starter itself, needs to be replaced as well.

Trick #3

At Wal-Mart parking lot, hubby shut his door locked with keys still inside the car. He realized it as soon as I was about to shut my door and mumbled the words too late for me to react. I was shocked for a moment and later distressed with the fact that we either have to break the window or pay good amount to have it opened. A guy told us we can ask a police to open it for us but the police said they don’t do it anymore. We were given pop-a-lock’s number to request for their service. Charlie came just after my debit card was charged for their service. To add to my dismay, he could have done it for free.

All I wanted to do was to scream at the toppest top of my lungs. What a terrible day! But you see, it was not bad after all...

• The DE office of the university immediately replied apologizing, stating that the charge was mistakenly sent to me. That somehow gave me a relief and I thank them for considering my situation.
• Hubby and Charlie were able to get a starter at a cheaper price in a junk yard somewhere.
• Atleast, we got the key back without having to break the window.

Hubby and I remained quiet until we got home and up to this morning. We missed our bible reading and prayer last night then we also missed our prayer this morning. I think this painted a wide grin on the enemy’s face but hey you, don’t rejoice just yet… We exchanged our sorry’s and we’re not missing our bible reading and prayer tonight.

It’s sad how easily we get carried away by small circumstances like this; that it can totally ruin the moment; that it can affect our relationships and how we deal with others; that it can completely turn us around and transform us into some monster forgetting who we ought to be. While the adversary cheers of what we have become, the Great Defender continues to stand beside us, hoping we would turn around another time to get back to our senses and react appropriately to the matter. That for me is a lesson learned.