60- something

That would have been your earthly age! 

But there's joy unspeakable in knowing 

that you are celebrating 

a happier birthday 

up there...

I love and miss you Pang.

Grief and Gratitude...

Losing Papang is definitely the most painful ordeal that our family has to go through. Emptiness has held me captive to this day, feeling sorry for myself, my siblings and especially Mamang. We will miss him forever. We will miss everything about him- from his little acts of care to the most exaggerated way he showed us love.

This is the toughest of all “toughs” for our family. But the overwhelming sympathy, support and encouragement that came from people, both known and unknown to us, helped us accept and deal with this greatest and unexpected loss. We may have been unable to extend our gratitude to all of you but please know that we do appreciate you all. Indeed, God’s great love and His sovereign goodness continue to reign amidst life’s adversities.

Although I am (and so is the rest of us) still in constant struggle between missing Papang and coping with the pain, I hold on to the Lord’s promises and continuously seek for His strength and wisdom moving forward. 

It's your first birthday in heaven...

As you celebrate it with Jesus

And all the angels sing

Blow those gold candles

Over that silver white cake,

We are sending  you our love

And special prayers too...

Happy birthday in heaven Pang.

We love and miss you... 

More than words can ever say.

Heartbroken

It’s been a month and two weeks since our most recent trip to the Philippines. I wish I could tell you how excited we were. Unfortunately, it was an unplanned trip. Too unexpected.

I was in the office that Friday afternoon when I received the bad news. Papang was brought to the hospital. I breathe deeply and got back to work hoping that another email will come soon assuring me that he’s ok. As much as I wanted to convince myself that everything will be alright, I was rather fearful of what could possibly happen.

When I finally got to the apartment, I called Mamang but the update on Papang’s condition wasn’t getting any better. At that moment, I was determined to go home and be with my family come what may. I was perplexed, too confused with what’s happening and totally shocked. I knew I needed to pray but I did not know the right words to say. Tears just flooded my eyes non stop.

My sister together with my siblings-in-law met us at the airport. I squeezed her tight- uncertain who needs that hug the most. When we finally got to talking about Papang’s condition, she held my hand and told me that he passed the night before. I was helpless, I did not make it in time. It broke my heart like never before…

The pain has never gone since then. And I remain doubtful this will ever go. 

I miss Papang. I know I will forever do.